SEPTEMBER 2024
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
— 1 Cor. 13:1-3
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice.
And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love as Christ loved us.
— Ephesians 4:30 – 5:2
Dear Friends,
It is typical in these letters for us to put our best foot forward, projecting an image of being nice people who are always kind and loving, especially to the less fortunate we are lucky enough to serve. While that is generally true, there are times we fall short of this image. The hardest thing about our work is being consistently kind and loving. Being consistent in anything can be difficult, but being consistently kind and loving is really hard, even to those nearest and dearest to you. As the above quote from First Corinthians states, if we don’t do our work with love then all the good works we do is for naught.
At Catholic Worker Hospitality House, we set high ideals for ourselves. We not only want to serve nice meals and provide dignified housing for our guests; we also want to treat them in a way that comforts their soul. We want all we come in contact with to feel welcomed, accepted, and loved. It’s hard to do that if you’re barking at them.
Every morning, I start my day with prayer and meditation. Part of my daily prayer is, “Dear God, help me to be kind and loving to your people; may I comfort your people today.” Yet all too often within ten minutes of arriving at the dining room I’m snapping at someone. So much for high ideals. It’s so easy to be kind and loving when I’m in my prayer space, it’s another thing when I’m at the dining room being bombarded with requests by multiple people. There is a great quote from Fyodor Dostoyevsky that was beloved by Dorothy Day: “Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams.” I can attest that it’s true.
What causes this occasional bad behavior? Sometimes we’re as busy as can be and that next request pushes us over the limit of our patience; other times we’re troubled with personal issues unrelated to our work; sometimes it’s jerky behavior by the person we’re dealing with; and sometimes we’re short-tempered from being just plain tired.
Whatever the reason, we realize our unkind behavior is not acceptable and we try to find ways to be our best. One remedy is to get plenty of rest, whether that’s getting plenty of sleep, regular vacations (which we are not afraid of) or not over scheduling ourselves. I have found that I’m most likely to be unkind at the end of the serving day, particularly if I’m trying to hurry off to another activity. In theory I know it’s best to slow down, be present, and try not to be a control freak (“How many times do I have to tell you not to do…”, “Get out of the shower now! You’ve been in there for 30 minutes!”), but it’s hard to put that theory into practice. I used to think I was an easy-going guy until I had children and got a job with a bit of authority. Suddenly all my fascistic tendencies emerged. One former guest regularly called me Benito, as in Mussolini. Ouch! I have also found that it is very helpful to do an examination of conscience at the end of the day to see where I was loving and where I could have been more so, with the hope that I will be better tomorrow. And as I mentioned earlier, starting my day with prayer helps to get me in a proper mindset.
Whenever we do fall short of being kind and loving we try to step back, calm down, ask for forgiveness, and keep on trying. It’s easy to beat-up on ourselves when we aren’t loving. But we need to keep on trying, remembering that we seek progress and not perfection. I think we’re a little nicer today than we were yesterday. We’re less likely now to be unloving to a guest, and when unkind, more likely to apologize promptly.
Despite the challenges we face at being consistently kind and loving, all of us at Catholic Worker Hospitality House enjoy the work we are doing, and usually really love it. Most of the time we are loving and giving to those we encounter in our work. In times of gratitude, we realize our work gives us the opportunity to help people in need and usually surrounds us with people who are trying to be the best versions of themselves. What a blessing; what a gift to live one’s life this way. So, whether you’re a guest, volunteer, or dropping off a donation and we’re less than loving know that we are sorry for our actions and that are trying to be more loving.
In Christ’s Peace (hopefully),
Peter Stiehler
Director
Catholic Worker
Hospitality House